Setting Boundaries in the Workplace
What are Boundaries?Whether youre working in the corporate world or running your own business, you need to develop and continually exercise strong boundaries.Ҡ Boundaries are the environment within which you operate mentally, emotionally and physically.Ҡ They separate you from other people.
Think of a boundary like a vase. The vase is holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers these represent your mind, body and spirit.Ҡ If the vase were to break, the flowers would be scattered about, the water keeping them alive would flow over the table and on to the floor and very soon the blooms would wither. The same thing happens when you dont have boundaries.Ҡ You feel overwhelmed, out of control, and scattered.Ҡ And, still worse, you make yourself vulnerable to being controlled and manipulated by others because youre afraid to stand up for who you are. We need boundaries, the vase, in order to bloom, in fact, quite simply, to survive.
Why are Boundaries So Difficult to Set?
There are several reasons why women find boundary setting challenging:
*They dont like confrontation.
*Theyre socialized to be nice because thats the way theyre supposed to be, and
*Theyre afraid people wont like them. Women seem to experience more difficulty setting boundaries than men do.Ҡ Were socialized in a way which makes it seem like were bad if we are too assertive.Ҡ My clients often comment that theyre afraid that if they say no or speak out, that their colleagues will not like them, or even heaven forbid that they will become the office B**** that everyone loves to hate.
Life is filled with confrontation of one sort or another. We must all learn to deal with it.Ҡ No one will agree with you 100% of the time.Ҡ The opposite is also true.Ҡ And, others will not always treat you with respect, no matter how much you may deserve it. Confrontation is where problems are aired and new lines are set. When you look at it from this perspective confrontation actually plays an important part in our growth as people.
Being nice and having boundaries are not mutually exclusive.Ҡ Setting boundaries does not mean that youre bad or wrong.Ҡ Instead, it means you value and respect yourself. You need to define what is acceptable in terms of how others will treat you.Ҡ So what is the best way to move into your power by setting boundaries?Ҡ Here are seven tips to help you get started.
Build Better Boundaries:Ҡ 7 Success Tips
1.Ҡ Model success. Think about someone you really admire.Ҡ Im sure he or she has strong boundaries.Ҡ While you might sometimes find it somewhat annoying, thats probably the single most important reason you respect them as you do.Ҡ How do they manage their boundaries?Ҡ Observe their behavior then try modeling it.
2.Ҡ Think first, act later. Whats important to you?Ҡ How do you want others to treat you?Ҡ Spend some quiet time thinking things thru before you decide to let others know how you feel.Ҡ This is a much better approach than suddenly deciding in the middle of a heated argument, that youre just not going to take it anymore, often a very expensive mistake. Dont risk damaging your career, business, or personal relationships by acting on impulse.
3.Ҡ Teach others how to treat you. Every day, youre training people how you want them to treat you, whether you know it or not.Ҡ By not speaking up, by not informing people about how you wish to be treated, you are confirming that this behavior is completely acceptable in your world
4.Ҡ Management by following up. This strategy is especially important if youre working with others to whom youve delegated tasks.Ҡ Write down the deliverables, when they were committed to, and their expected completion dates.Ҡ Follow up daily by phone or in person to make sure that others are working towards completing things according to plan.Ҡ Regular and focused follow-up reminds others of your expectations.
5.Ҡ Say No and tell them why. When you say no to someone, offer a reason.Ҡ No, in and of itself, can come across as harsh and abrupt.Ҡ Lighten up your communication by extending the conversation with some details.Ҡ No, Im so sorry, but I have a lot of commitments right now and taking on this project would be too much at this time.
6.Ҡ Say, Yes, but . When faced with the inevitable last minute request, typically delivered by those who live in chaos and overwhelm, make sure youre even stronger with your boundaries.Ҡ If you can handle the task, say yes but with the provision that youll do it when and only when youre completed with working on your current projects.
7.Ҡ Under-promise and over-deliver. When youre asked to do something, tell them that things will take a little longer than you expect.Ҡ This way, if something does come up youll still be able to deliver on time.Ҡ And, if everything proceeds as planned, then youll finish early and theyll be pleasantly surprised.Ҡ Setting boundaries and setting expectations in the minds of others go hand-in-hand.
Boundaries and Your Success
In summary, boundaries are critically important to your success in life, both personally and professionally.Ҡ They define who you are and who you are not.Ҡ They empower you to value and respect yourself.Ҡ And, when you do, others will as well. It all starts with you.Ҡ Take on the challenge I guarantee you that the rewards will be well worth it.